An open letter to my Mom & Dad
It’s fine as a millennial I get it. You don’t want to be left out, or wait you did want to be left out for years until now when you finally realized that computers weren’t going anywhere. I think it’s great that you want to get on, “The Facebook”, but it’s just called, “Facebook”, not, “The Facebook”, there’s no, “The”, just, “Facebook”, one word, great glad we had that chat. Now as for posting on Facebook, your personal status is for you to share articles or life moments, not to have a conversation. This one's for you Dad, when you write “HEY BOB HOW'S LIFE GOING?”, you just posted that to your own Facebook wall, not Bob’s. Bob will probably never see that, because we didn’t go over tagging yet. Oh and while we’re at it, status are not meant for you to have a public conversation, so please don’t write personal messages on your Facebook status. Not everyone needs a documented timeline of our personal lives. They also don't need a chronological story about your daily life activities, so if you have something personal to write, use the messenger app at least I know that I would, as well as the rest of your Facebook friends, appreciate it.
When writing on people’s photos, I don’t even know how to put this nicely, FILTER YOURSELF PLEASE! You don’t have to call them how you see them. Yes Mom, she looks drunk in the photo, no you don’t have to tell her I’m sure she’s aware. Yeah Dad, people don’t get married sometimes, it is 2017. Come to think of it we don’t do much of anything :: hints:: how I had the time to write this entertaining blog post. No Mom she's not 21, that would be why her page is private and probably why your friend request was pending for 21+ days.
Lets move on to your Facebook feed. I get that people's posts are sometimes ridiculous. I know you don’t want to unfollowed them because you don’t want them to think you’re being rude. That’s why Facebook invented this magical feature called the, “hide from timeline”, button. It’s this awesome function that you can click. This way you don’t need to hear that persons annoying comments 24/7. The best part is that in return, I don’t get to hear you complain to me 24/7 about how ignorant they are. See it’s really a win, win. so hit the damn button. You know what, I’ll show you how to do it later.
Acronyms aka short hand writing. Now this one you do get Mom, BUT what you don’t get is you can’t just create your own language. We millennials are quite crafty and yes, have created basically our own language. This probably came about because we're lazy, but mostly because we didn't want you to understand what we were saying to one another. The point is that these acronyms are universal, so when I say IDK (I don’t know) or NVM (never mind) everyone in my generation and the generation before mine pretty munch knows exactly what I’m saying. Here's where it gets you confused. You think you can make up your own words, but you can’t just create your own language. I know you don’t understand why you can’t make up your own words since we basically did, but it just doesn’t work that way so please please PLEASE stop!
Lets chat Hashtags. You know what lets not, just don't use them #NoHashtag
After all is said and done, I truly enjoy you being on Facebook. Mostly because I find it hysterical when your posts pop up on my feed. So you know what, just ignore everything I just told you and don't let anyone tell you you're not technology savvy and if they do, just tell them you're on "The Facebook".
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